So, I thought Gabriella would bounce back enough to attend a birthday party the day after she went under general anesthesia, had basically an adult size dose of Versed, a CT, an MRI, an exam and a trip back and forth from Packard. And then I had the nerve to get upset with her when she stood behind me and didn't want to play with the other kids. We both ended up in frustrated with each other and in tears walking out of the party early. Boy, do I feel like I deserve the "idiot parent of the year". I'm so sorry Gabriella. Mommy doesn't always make the best decisions for you. But I will always try my very best.
I want so badly for her life to get back to "normal" again....whatever that means. In my mind, I think "Ok, scans are just going to be one day for her and she can pop right back where she left off....like she didn't miss a beat". Obviously, she needs some recovery time; a part where I lack. Looking back, I realize that I get frustrated and upset with cancer....and that my G had to deal with it.
Adam, G and I headed up to Palo Alto the night before because we knew Friday was going to start early. Luckily my mom came down to be with Bridget for the night. It's not easy to have a sibling in the hospital as much as we like Bridget to be with us. They don't let her go into certain areas and Adam and I both want to make sure we focus on G to get her through these procedures.
I think the girls enjoy the time spent alone with parents and grandparents so it always works out. We arrived early and did the usual to prep G for the day. But this time was a bit different because she has no port to access for anesthesia and had a slightly different procedure to get through. That means we induce with sevoflurane gas for general anesthesia. Let me tell ya, once you smell this gas, an association begins to build. It brings back some painful memories from the beginning of this journey. I despise the smell. Anyhow, this time we had to do a CT scan with contrast...meaning she needs an IV for the procedure. Then the decision of whether to give her a pre-med or not comes into play. Well, we decided on the pre-med. At some point when I left to use the restroom, the nurse comes in with the versed. Adam asked how much and she said it was a normal dose. This is where you would like to trust that the nurse giving the med know's how much she's giving or the doctor ordering the med knows how much to order. G ended up getting an adult size dose and was so loopy for the following hour. She watched as the nurse placed an IV in her arm (to place the contrast and induce her for the MRI) while blood was running all over and both "medically trained" parents were trying to lend a hand to the stumbling nurse while everyone was trying to stay calm and G was looking at the "things crawling on the walls". The CT went smoothly (as G was off in lala land) until her IV started to drip contrast. Luckily the scan was already complete. And the IV was taken out. Bummer...back to a mask induction of the gas.
After G completed her scans and exam, the doctor came in to tell us...."Good news".... It's the best when they come in before even sitting down to tell us there is good news. "Everything looks great and her body is healing well." So, I say...so she's healing and the cancer isn't there anymore? Correct. The doctor was confident and happy to report her findings. Ok, perfect....perfect....perfect....perfect!! This is the best news anyone could ask for. One result down and a meeting in the afternoon. We met up with "Squishy" and had a bite to eat in the courtyard as we all tried to make sure that someone was hanging on to G to keep her upright in her still loopy state.
Again, our doctor Catherine came in....said to us, "The scans look good". That's pretty much all I needed to hear. But just to clarify...."the scans were clear....everything looks good....?" YES!! Clear scans and a clean bill of health. The meds would wear out. This kiddo is doing it....she's kicking cancer's ASS!!!!
Needless to say, we weren't very happy with the dose of Versed...but the fact that her SCANS ARE CLEAR.....is everything we could have hoped for!