Monday, August 13, 2012

Facing Fears

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend and I asked him if he reads the blog.  His answer was essentially no.  At first I did not understand.  Didn't he want to know what was going on?  And then it hit me, if the roles were reversed, would I be reading it?  The man I was prior to all this would say hell no.  This stuff has always scared me to death.  The thought of a sick child has always been one of my greatest fears and the thought of a close friend's sick child facing a life threatening disease would have been more than I could bear.
As you know from Kris' previous post, Saturday was the funeral for a young girl who died last week from Rhabdomyosarcoma.  She was 15 years old and was taken from her family and friends by the same disease that we are facing with Gabriella.  If you don't think that is a tough pill to swallow, think again.  We are nearly 5 months into G's treatment and had been humming along with the end in sight and getting closer.  Gabriella has been very happy and active just like a four year old should be.  Some days if it weren't for here bald head we would forget that she is a cancer kid.  Then we got the news of Tianna.  Good God.  From the moment Tianna reached out to us we felt a bond to her and her family.  We attended the funeral and looked at the pictures of this beautiful little angel who lived and laughed and played and was taken too young.  We offered our condolences to the family the best we could and then we came home.  We came home to face the punch in the gut reminder that our kid has it too.  Good God.
I've spent a lot of time in my life thinking I was facing fear.  I used to think that kicking in a door and spraying water at a fire was courageous.  Or racing a motorcycle or climbing a rock was a way to face your fears.  I had no idea.  A friend whose child was diagnosed with a life threatening disease recently told me that she had never known fear before this and I now know exactly what she means. 
The fears we are currently facing have the ability to overtake us.  This weekend knocked us down pretty good, but Kris and I had some great conversations, we spent some quality time with some good friends and watched our little angels live large.  I have confidence that we will get through this.  This is the fight of our lives and as scary as it is and will be, Team G will never stop fighting.  I promise you that.


  1. Kris and Adam:
    I am just one of your faithful blog readers. I always hit the button to "post a comment"... and then think twice... What could I possibly say to bring comfort during this nightmare... this marathon battle.

    When my first child was born I found a quote that spoke to me: having a child "is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Our children are our life... our beating heart.

    I hope you know that I so appreciate you taking the time and energy (emotional and otherwise) to write this. You posted early on it will be a story for Gabriella. Something for her to read much later on when she is old enough... I want to tell her... Gabriella... I had the honor of your presence for a few minutes the other day... I felt nothing but love and energy and vibrancy and courage... what a story you will tell someday... what a gift you are.

    1. Thank you for your kind words Shannon. It's the support from good people like you that has kept us going in the tough times.


  2. Keep climbing, keep putting out those fires!

    I love you much and mighty!