It's Friday night...actually Saturday morning. Gabriella is still in the hospital. Our quick visit to the ED turned out to be 4 nights recovering at Packard. G's ANC (immunity) went from 970 on Monday to 340 on Tuesday (the number from the ED blood draw). This was why she got the fever. I had no idea it could drop so quickly. It just makes us realize what were actually dealing with here.
Her counts "went up" yesterday to 540 but the lab work was actually not accurate, which we learned today when her counts were only 140. The doctors said that this was more likely to be her true count because of the way she was feeling yesterday (crappy) vs. today (bundle of energy). They think that she was probably at 0 yesterday because that would most likely describe her clinical picture of still feeling bad. It's hard to believe that sometimes you can't actually trust the lab work.
The doctors were talking about the possibility of giving G her chemo but her ANC had to be at 750. As we know, things are constantly changing and now we are just hoping her counts will go up so she can come home tomorrow. Once she recovers, she will go in for her 3 chemo and another overnight in at El Camino. This will most likely be next Tuesday or Wednesday.
She is doing great. Today, Bridget and I drove up to the hospital to visit since B's cold has now past. She really misses her sister and loves to talk to her over FaceTime. Bridget gets the biggest smile on her face when she talks to G. It's definitely has thrown us all off but especially B. Gabbi was so excited to see her sister and wanted to show her the toys, the playroom and the library. Adam pulled them around in the wagon and they had a great time.
Adam and I are exhausted. I miss him so very much. We've taken turns with driving back and forth from Packard to be with the girls. He's been doing the lion's share with Gabriella and I've been back and forth. The drive is so incredibly hard, almost unbearable. I'm leaving my older baby to be with my younger baby but there is a huge gap in between. Too much time to think. Even though the drive is only about 40 minutes, its the worst 40 minutes of the day! I can't be with either of my girls and it makes me so sad, frustrated, angry, etc.
I'll write more later. So tired I'm gonna land face first in my computer.
Once again I am moved and inspired by your strength and courage. You and Adam define the words. It is unbearable. That is the right word. And yet you bear it. My prayer for you this morning is that the moments of joy, laughter, big smiles, wagon rides, facetime giggles and funny faces, carry you through the unbearable gaps. Adam, Kristin, Gabriella, Bridget.... You are SO LOVED!! I pray that THAT love fills the very cells of your bodys, hearts, and souls and lifts you up and carries you through the unbearable. I pray for unreasonable joy today. I pray for silliness, HUGE smiles, giggleicious stickers on Gabriellable and Bridgetalicous faces!!! Oh and booty shake dances of course!!
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