Friday, March 23, 2012

Another Day

For the moment, things are "normal".  What the heck does that mean?  It has been what we have known for the last few years, months, days.
Today was another day; rough, exhausting, draining, etc. but in the end, I got to hold my daughter tight and nothing else mattered.  I was in heaven and from here on out, every time I hold my girls, I will be in HEAVEN.
We went to the hospital today around 1pm.  G couldn't eat or drink anything.  The basic fundamentals of being a parent and of life is to eat, drink, breathe... How odd is it to not give your child a drink of water when they are thirsty or to give them food when they are hungry.  As Adam said earlier, this rocks the very core of our existence and there is not a damn thing we can do about it!  I want to scream, cuss, cry....all at the same time!  Every emotion I have ever felt I'm now feeling ten trillion fold...feeling it as i never experienced before.  I'm angry, weak, strong, happy, everything in between....
"Survival Mode"...breathe

There was almost a moment where we didn't think we were actually going to get the PET today.  There were issues with scheduling and the short notice of our test.   The PET is a test where they look through G's whole body to see if the cancer has spread.  In order to do this test, they had to put her to sleep again and have her "glucose deprived".  They give her slightly radioactive glucose, which is attracted to the cancer cells.  Of course, the vaginal area will show up and any other area where there is cancer will show up.  So we were relieved to have them call us in and get us started.
The process seemed somewhat easier at the moment.  They gave G nitrous gas and the anesthesiologist told her a story.  She was smiling at us the whole time then went to sleep peacefully.  Adam and I got to be with her the whole time until she fell asleep.
As we walked out to the hall, I had to hold on to Adam to keep from hitting the floor.  It felt awful.  I hate every bit of this.  Every bit of it but failure is not an option.  I know, so cliche but so appropriate.

After the procedure, G was incredible.  She woke up happy and ate two orange and a purple.  She had about a half of a container of shredded parmigiano reggiano cheese.  I am SOOOOO proud of this little girl!!!  She amazes me and is my inspiration!!!!!
On the way home, we looked at cows, gray herons and whatever else was out the window.  We stopped at Whole Foods and got some snacks.  At home, Bridget was SOOO happy to see her big sister.  Nana and Papa had a great day with Bridget.  When G came home, she was greeted by a beautiful Edible arrangement from the Lucero's, a huge bunny from Nana, a package from Victoria and family, cotton candy from Papa, a wonderful dinner from the Lee's and more letters of hope.  THANK YOU SO MUCH...ALL OF YOU.  I'm sure I'm forgetting some but please know we are so grateful.

The doctors said G would take about 24 hours to bounce back.  Yeah, right.  She was bouncing around all night and naming her stuffed animals....Icing, Rose, Jelli Bean just to name a few.

At this moment, Adam and I want this (blog) to be a place of positivity.  We want to reach out to you all for strength, hope and positivity.  You have all delivered.  Please continue to do so.   This road will be very dark at times and very lonely but it is a road we must face.

Gabriella: "Heroine of God, God is my strength"...  I keep looking up the meaning of my daughters name and this is what I found.
My girl...she's amazing!



  1. You guys are all amazing, just breathe each moment and relish your time with your beautiful G!! I keep you all in my prayers and trust God has a plan for all of you!! Just pray and look up not down, during our darkest moments He is the light !! Love to all, Sharon and mike

  2. Hi guys! You guys are doing great. Keep your chin up. Take one day at a time. You will endure. All things are possible. God is your strength. Remember to breathe even when it feels inpossable. We are still praying including our friends and family. We love you guys and know we are cheering you on everyday. Love Matt and Kristi

  3. Kristin,good thoughts and prayers for you and your beautiful family! Your little girl is so brave, and one day you will be able to look back and be so proud of what you accomplished. GO Team G!! XO - Landis

  4. gabi, i'm coming to the aquarium. makayla
    (makayla wanted to write that to Gabi. She is excited to see her tomorrow)

    You guys are so strong. I cant imagine what you are going through. I picture everything you describe and it breaks my heart. I LOVE the "TEAM G" phrase. I didn't have childhood cancer but my older brother did when he was 7 (I was 6) Everything you talk about, the pictures you post, and the fighter attitude you have bring me right back to my childhood when I was 6. I didn't know what cancer was but I thought I was going to get it and I also thought my brother was going to die. (My mom quickly help me understand that neither of those were true) I knew that my mom was a wreck for a year or so but reading your posts, puts me in her shoes too. All of the tests my brother went through, walking through the hospital and seeing babies and children with IV's, bald heads and lots of stuffed animals. I have to say that the children in the hospital always had the biggest smiles on their faces and they just knew that they would be better some day.

    I was the Bridgette in this situation. I'm so happy she is young, she probably wont remember much except having extra special time with her family members and friends.:)If i can give a little bit of advise on the sibling end I would say to make sure whoever comes over to see Gabi also acknowledges B because I felt like no one ever came over to see me and I wasn't acknowledged. Gabi will get lots of gifts, animals and other fun stuff (which she should) so maybe keeping a few toys or fun stuff in a closet for B so she feels special and included. making special time with just B. I remember a point where I told my mom I wanted cancer so I could get attention and people would come see me and bring me gifts. I know it sounds horrible and I was 6 but with my mom being a single parent and her gone in the hospital so much with my brother, I though it was the only way to see her and get attention. I'm not saying this to be a downer AT ALL. It's just been coming up so much for me since I got Gabby's news and wanted to share a different perspective for you.

    My mom had the same attitude that you guys have.(we are fighters and beating this is the ONLY answer) We all had our part in the fight and most of the daily stuff sucked but nothing was going to stop our team from winning. My brother beat his cancer after almost 2 years of fighting and we celebrate every year. We actually just celebrated 25 years of a Cancer free life!!! We all went around the room and shared stories, good, bad and ugly. we cried and laughed. We beat cancer as a team. We had about 30 people there who were there during the whole fight. It was truly amazing. My brother and I have gone to a camp "Camp OKIZU" from 6-18 years old. It is an amazing place where I talked about how it was like having a sibling with cancer. I was able to just be a kid and have no worries too. Today, the camp is a HUGE part of my life. I have been a counselor for 7 years and I get to give back to these special kids who went through what my brother and I went through. I can tell you more about it if you are interested. Basically, something that was so horrible has turned into a big part of our life and I plan on doing more for children who are fighting.

    You guys are in the beginning of the fight but you are showing G that you are a team and you will do whatever you need to do. She sees and feels that support.

    Gabi is a special girl and you two are some of the most loving parents I have met. You are fighters and with your family and friends on your team, winning is the only option. We are on your team and want to help in any way that we can. please just let us know what we can do.

    I cant get your family out of my heart and my head. TEAM G!!!

    Makayla has been patient so I can write this, now we are heading up to make Gabi a special book! I hope I didn't ramble too much. Love you guys.

    See you Tomorrow, Jen